I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
