have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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