It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
