you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
