Porn is love you can see.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
