He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
