I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
