sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
