Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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