how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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