Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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