I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
