I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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