I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
