areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
