sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
