I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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