I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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