I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
