A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The best revenge is premature balding
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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