my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
