This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
