She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
