How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
