those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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