On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm getting married
To pizza
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
