I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
