Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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