Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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