I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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