u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
