I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
porn star boner night. come get it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
