I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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