Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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