Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
