So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
