turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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