getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
