Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
