He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
