If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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