see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
