i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
