if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I intend to get homeless drunk
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
