Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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