I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
