Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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