this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
