when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
