K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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