Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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